My sexual trysts have all been topics of conversation with my close friends; girls and guys alike, my girlfriends want to know what it was like, boys want to know what made it good and why. I think it’s human nature to be curious about those types of things, as human beings we want to learn from mistakes and successes. What I liked, loved, disliked, and could do without versus another person’s preferences make for interesting conversation. I will admit that there have been plenty of instances where we will sit there laughing and joking about the sexual encounters that have been less than satisfying; the ones that you feel maybe if you gave it another go it would be good, the encounters that make you squirm because of how bad it went from beginning to end. So, inquiring minds want to know, who was the ballad about and what happened…Well, for the sake of privacy and integrity, I’ll leave names alone. But, the whole entirety of the ballad is in its truest form.
It was the saddest time I’ve ever had during sex. And, I say sad because in all of my encounters with past lovers, the first time isn’t always good, but this one… Well, it truly made me cringe and I really questioned whether or not he was even able to get it up or stay hard. It even had me in my feelings, asking two of my girlfriends if maybe I was the problem; I remember speaking to two of my girlfriends about it, one told me that if that’s how it was the first time, the rest of the encounters would follow suit. The second friend suggested that maybe he was just too stressed out at the moment and couldn’t fully engage his mind. I would give him the benefit of the doubt because I knew what we had, what we had was great – we connected on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level. Physically, well obviously it needed some work. It was simple, our energy, made it feel so good that it was safe to assume that the sex would also mimic that same energy.
ENERGY, such a simple word, yet it holds so much power in how we invest our time with people, careers, love, and any/all of our personal experiences. The reason is just as simple as the word, the energy we feel does not lie. Although the answer is so plain and simple, it doesn’t always mean that your first sexual encounter will be great or the best encounter, ever. Getting to know your partner is a huge factor in whether or not your sexual appetite will be fed – how often you want/need it, how experimental/adventurous you are, what you are willing to do versus what you won’t do, what you’re willing to compromise on, and what you want/need to fulfill those desires. Another huge factor, not every partner we’ve had in the past and/or present are equal; everyone has/had their own talents in and out of bed.
Sex, such a little word, yet it holds such strong emotions and actions. We’re all very different in how we conduct the business of sex. I, personally, cannot and refuse to have one night stands with acquaintances or “randos” I just met at the bar/club. I don’t have two or three night stands either. My sexual encounters always involve some form of relationship with the other person, I almost always am in a relationship with the person or we’re working towards a relationship, or we somehow manage to become longtime friends (of course, with the mutual understanding that the sex is just sex). Men and women also have differences in the meaning behind the act: women will use sex for love, men will use love for sex. But, with that being said, there are hybrids – the men/women who are able to use sex to feed the appetite for physical connection, despite what it may mean to him/her and the other party.
In all of my sexual endeavors, I have formed some type of relationship with each person, most of whom became exes and a couple who were friends with benefits, there to just satisfy the need of sexual urges. Thinking back onto these memories, I can recall each favorite moment; with that being said, I also see the growth in my sexual journey. In order for a person to be called great in bed, I feel that growth has to take place; exploration of one’s body, taking ones’ time with learning what makes him/her orgasm, what makes one feel good internally/externally, and finding what turns him/her on about the opposite/same sex. We all differ in that sense, we are not made alike; in order for a person to understand his/her partner, he/she must understand his/herself.
With that being said, my most embarrassing moment in bed with the opposite sex is laid out for everyone to see. In actuality it wasn’t embarrassing for me, it’s actually more embarrassing for him as I’m sure he walked feeling less than the size of his dick. But it was embarrassing for me because I have never left a situation feeling like damn, what the fuck just happened?! Our energies were off; while I was in love with the thought of what could be, he was still attached to another woman trying to cover up his lies. I was being manipulated, to open up my soul entirely, so he could have me how he wanted me. And, sadly, I took the bait.
As time went on, I eventually got over it. The sex was mediocre at best, but because I felt like I loved him and he loved me, I didn’t think that anything could ever feel as good as it was with him. Our sexual preferences weren’t compatible or even comparable; what he liked, I didn’t care for and vice versa. I thought his favorite position was boring and he never tried to explore any other angles. I also noticed that he wasn’t a “freak”; what I was into and wanted, craved, wanted to experience with him he wasn’t interested in or thought it was stupid. Those should have been signs, signs that our sexual encounters would be one-sided; little did I know that the “one-sided” encounters would also extend outside of the bedroom. The way he conducted his business was also less desirable. This is not to say that his bedroom style is bad, we just both have different preferences and I always felt like I got the shorter end of the stick, hindsight.
The little energy that I experienced outside of the bedroom was great; the little sense of humor he had made me laugh, he made me feel safe, I felt like I could talk to him. I never felt like I was missing anything in the bedroom. It wasn’t until after the cloud of being in love was lifted, did I see that he never invested any time in getting to know me inside of the bedroom. My needs weren’t met; he would cum but I rarely. It was always about him catching his nut and what made him feel good. These were all signs of really, really bad sex clouded by love; because, it was clouded by love, it always felt good. But, as I look back, it really was just filling the void of feeling wanted by someone who said, “I love you.”
I laid there, completely naked, dripping with anticipation; anticipation that wouldn’t be satiated. As he got dressed, my mind ran with a million different questions. I went through two different emotions, sadness and anger. Sadness due to confusion and uncertainty. Angered because he talked all this shit about how he wouldn’t disappoint and he longed for me. That pain and anger would then turn to petty behavior. I decided that I would go out and have some fun with a few friends. I got up, got dressed; I left for my wax appointment and called up one of my girls to head out to a going away party. The going away party was held at a strip club and I bumped into someone who has shown interest in me; he and I would text and FaceTime one another sometimes. We hit it off and had a lot of fun so we decided to take it back to his place. Because our energies were in-sync, it allowed the both of us to enjoy each other. But the truth is, I enjoyed him more as I laid there watching him lick off the anticipation from earlier that couldn’t get satiated…